SPRUCE® Makes Cities More Well and Sustainable By Clear Cutting All Weeping Willows, Just in Time for Summer!
Anthrovision investments backs a groundbreaking, and eco-friendly solution to the wellness crisis in cities around Sweden.
Skåne County, Sweden, May 6, 2021 — SPRUCE®, the innovative new eco-startup, announces a country-wide campaign that will create a revolution in urban wellness, delivering cities everywhere from the wispy pall that the weeping willows have brought to the otherwise happy city parks and neighborhoods of Sweden.
As the pandemic is stagnating, many people living in the city today are still having to cope with the emotional fallout of the global health crisis. In what was already shaky ground for wellness, the happiness of city dwellers will have a hard time recovering after the shock. Which is why we don’t need any weepy trees around to depress people more than they already are.
The program will use SPRUCE®’s innovative new APHD drones to cut out, root and stem, any weeping willow that maybe lingering in your neighborhood. T-Corp Certified and Friends of The Forest Approved APHD grind the trees into woody-dust, and preserved some of the bark wood to be used for compostable eating utensils. SPRUCE® have paired with tree-plantation corporation Green The Whole Planet, known for planting huge land areas in countries around the world with carbon-hungry tree-plantations—to plant fresh new trees. The new trees will be of a happier disposition ( Spruce trees obviously) and will help to make neighborhoods in cities everywhere carbon-friendly and people-friendly.
“People have been saying for a long time that weeping willows are just too depressing. Even the person who named the tree thought it was a bummer—weeping willow? I don’t think I’m alone in thinking trees shouldn’t cry.” says Ericka Bridge, Project Manager on the APHD design team, “just the other day I was in the park with two of my friends and we were trying to have one of those classic, relaxing Sunday afternoons. We had wine, all these great snacks and the sun was out and the park was beautiful that day. But of course, there was this big yellow willow in the park that completely ruined the vibe. I mean, yellow? Really? And not like a nice yellow, it was a sickly yellow, when all the other trees were presenting themselves as they should, you know, green! It absolutely ruined what was supposed to be a peaceful break from the nearly eighty hours of hard work we put in last week trying to get the latest APHD prototypes ready for launch.” says Bridge.
Unlike competing tree-planting projects in major cities, SPRUCE’s APHD fully-electric and carbon negative program, has been given the plantinum certification from Friends of the Forest for adhering to the most rigorous of tree-eradication standards. As for the award-winning APHD drones themselves have been perfected by Swedish engineers who for decades have been designing technologies for the express purpose of quickly cutting down trees so that they can be replaced with better, more marketable trees in forests all around the world.
Internal polls conducted in cities around Sweden have found that every 6 in 31 streets in Swedish cities has a weeping willow on it.1 While 3 out of every 11 of those living on willow-plagued streets find the tree to be “shameful”, 6 out of 21 find them to be “unwell”, and 4 out of 7 think they are “emo”.2 While 1 in every 13 people say that the willow has a direct effect on their day-to-day mental health.3 “Look, I’m on the internet all day” says Thomas Persson, a Web Developer living and working in Stockholm. “I work on the internet, I socialize on the internet, I do everything on the internet and it’s fucking depressing. When I look out my window, I don’t want to see my own depression looking back at me in this sad excuse for a tree. I want to see something nice, like a mountain, green pines, and a clear blue lake, and maybe like a majestic elk is taking a drink and he has these really big ornate horns… Yeah that’d be what I like to see, but no, all I got is this grim tree. If I want to see real, nice nature, where do I have to look? Can you guess? That’s right. The internet. Its a cycle of misery.” says Persson
It is just this sort of misery that Ralph Otto Wright, CEO of SPRUCE® has been been dreaming of ending for almost a year now. In a way that pushes technology forward, while keeping the streets green. “Ever since I moved to this city last year, and started to see these willows hanging over parks and street corners like drunken vagrants swaying with the slightest breeze, I’ve wanted to hack them down and put up something nicer—that people can use like a touchscreen display that shows you were the nearest ICA is, or maybe just some more room to widen the street for cars—just something useful. And I immediately went about finding the best herbicide I could use to control this epidemic of dreariness. It turns out the EU has much stricter laws than what I’m used to when it comes to chemicals, and especially when using them around people and the water supply—which I thought was odd because they produce so many of them here and if they don’t want me to use them here why are they making them? Why pay to send them to all those other countries and not get local customers? But I digress. Once that dream was axed it occurred to me I was going about this all the wrong way because it turns out that cities now are looking for more trees. It took me a while to wrap my head around that whole idea but once I did I saw a huge opportunity: on one hand, a lot of the scientists that I hired to work on this project were telling me that it wasn’t unreasonable to think if we cut down every weeping willow in the city we’d see a major spike uptick in urban wellness and with wellness real estate on the rise, I knew that there would be a lot of investors interested in what we were seeing in this weeping willow problem. On the other, with all the businesses looking to go green and offset all of their growing carbon emissions I had single-handedly discovered a whole new carbon market to tap. And these trees are pumping out krona with the rising of the sun. The whole project would be carbon negative for us, because we’d be planting new trees and getting credits to offset all the fossil fuels we have to use to get this project done.” says Wright.
“That’s when I came up with the business plan to cut down these negative trees. And yeah, they’re trees that suck up carbon too but does anybody know how much carbon they are actually sucking up? Based on their attitude, I think we can make an educated guess and say that they’re slackers and probably are doing the bare minimum of carbon absorbing work. We’re going to plant happier trees that we can track with our innovative new SPRUCE® eco-monitoring system to make sure they are working hard. Plus we can install a touch screen next to the tree so you can see how much they are doing to offset our company’s sizeable, but demonstrably justified, carbon footprint as well as the carbon footprints of our partners in the program.” say Wright.
“For an entrepreneur like myself, this is a dream scenario. There was clear problem to be solved: these dour fucking trees ruining my day, and the days of hard working people everywhere, and a clear solution: plant more, happier trees to help the planet.” says Wright. “The obvious way this will improve people’s lives is a huge reward to this program, but I think it really is the responsibility of CEOs everywhere to also be thinking about the big picture: about climate change and how all those frogs are dying, and to follow the example we’ve set by making this program pretty much as sustainable as sustainability gets.”
As both a historic urban greening project, and a major innovation for the growing wellness market, SPRUCE® solidifies its commitment to a better future for both the world and for your mental health. It’s been a long winter but summer is coming—and you won’t catch us weeping about it!
Source: InMind Institute in association with SPRUCE® Inc.: “Urban Arboreal Wellness Survey” (internal survey)*
Source: 2020 Willow Aesthetic and Social-Wellness Impact Study: “A Poison Tree”*
Source: 2021 Depression and Urban Forestry Study (internal survey)*
*Disclaimer: Key facts, figures, and institutions cited are not real.